Best "late for work" excuse

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Stephen Hawkins
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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:36 pm

Hi Sally,

Thank you for the advice.

I had a look at self-publishing, but it was altogether too involved for me. The costs are prohibitive, after which it is necessary to hawk the thing around book clubs and the smaller, independent book shops.

Some call this "vanity publishing" which does have a ring of truth about it. There is no certainty that you would ever recoup the costs of publishing and promoting a book, and I am just not prepared to take that risk.

A Canadian Publisher did agree to publish it, but gave me back-word when the economy slumped.

Five or Six of my close friends have read my book, and they all think it is extremely good and well written. I am inclined to agree.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:53 am

Denis was a coward, of that there is no doubt. Whenever there was a large scale disturbance in a pub or club, Denis could often be seen driving in the opposite direction or parked in a side street. He also had an alarming propensity for dropping his colleagues in the cart by inadvertently/purposely opening his mouth in front of supervisory officers.

The situation was dreadful, as this man just couldn't be trusted in any way whatsoever. Naturally, as you would expect, his peers detested him. Furthermore, many of them plotted to discredit him. The people he "blew up" to the bosses hated him, but the bosses hated him even more.

Denis suffered a number of plots to discredit him, all of which worked, but none of them was as successful as the one I am about to describe. Everyone in the division was in on it, and our divisional radio room put the whole thing on "talk through", ensuring that every officer in our division could monitor events as the plot unfolded. Even neighbouring divisions were "tipped the wink" about what was going on, and a great many tuned in their radios to our divisional frequency. The only person who didn't know what was going on was Denis, but he was soon to find out.

The radio room sent Denis to a wholly fictitious job of "intruders on premises" on a small, isolated industrial estate on the edge of a village. The time was about 04.00 hrs on a Winter night. When Denis (finally) arrived at the industrial estate, he saw a well built man in a Gorilla mask cavorting around the place. The man in the Gorilla mask was my good mate, Emmet, but Denis didn't know that.

From a safe distance, Denis hailed the intruder, but the intruder ran away very slowly. Denis followed, again at a safe distance, as the "intruder" made his way across an adjacent field. On the other side of this field, on a quiet country lane, five officers waited in three cars. The radio traffic was tense and excited, as Denis spluttered on about having lost the intruder following a desperate tussle.

Emmet got back to the police cars long before Denis arrived, giving him plenty of time to take off his Gorilla mask and civilian jacket. On seeing six men in uniform, Denis was suddenly emboldened. He told us of how he nearly had this guy, but that he had gotten away following a struggle. We knew that his claim was a total fabrication, and that he had never been closer than a hundred yards. Revenge is a dish best served cold, so we said nothing to alert him to what was about to happen.

05.00 hrs was the official/ unofficial time of our well earned cup of tea, but that morning's little break was going to be a very special one. Denis was in full swing will his tale of heroism, but was about to be reunited with his Gorilla- headed nemesis. Emmet recovered his mask and jacket from the police car, entered the building and ran straight at Denis.

Emmet, et al, told the true story of the night's event, and Denis was shamed and ridiculed by every officer present. He learned that all the senior officers in the division had prior knowledge of the plot, and that this knowledge had now spread around the entire force area and beyond. Though I cannot now confirm the truth of this claim, I believe that even neighbouring forces were monitoring the events of that very satisfying night.

Even months later, officers throughout the division made monkey type noises and actions whenever they saw Denis. His credibility was totally and absolutely shot, and even new recruits made fun of him. We all felt that justice had been done.

Other plots followed that one, but none were as deeply satisfying as that particular conspiracy.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Corsaire » Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:28 pm

Brilliant. Unfortunately that type of person exists in all walks of life.
Keep writing, you never know when something might click. A change of title, approach, i.e anecdotes or short stories, could tip the balance !

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:02 pm

I knew a cop in Edinburgh who was sacked for "hiding" some of his paperwork relating to some enquiries he had.

A few years later I met him in the city centre and asked how he was getting on. He told me he wasn't missing the job at all and had turned to writing books. I asked him what he wrote and he said "heavy science fiction". He further qualified that I wouldn't be able to buy them in the UK, as they were only deemed suitable for Australian readers. I nodded in acknowledgement.

He then asked me if I had ever considered leaving the force to start another career. I advised him that I had been selected to play Danny Kaye in a remake of the Ugly Duckling. He remarked that I did look like Danny Kaye (in those days) and asked where it would be shown. I told him that it was too "heavy" for British audiences and would be shown in Denmark by invite only. I advised him that invites were only available from my Danish agent. He produced a pen and paper and asked for my agent's name. I told him his name was Hans Christian Andersen, Munkemoellestraede 3, Odense, Danmark. When he asked how to spell the street name I couldn't hold back any longer and started laughing.

My last words were, "I'd better get home in case the kids have let the ducks out again." He gave me a long lingering stare, then the merest suggestion of a smile came on him before he shouted "See Yah!", and disappeared sharpish.

You can't kid a kidder as the saying goes!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Corsaire » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:44 pm

Yes, some people are certainly gullible. I wonder what sort of film he thought you were going to be in :shock: :lol:

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:22 pm

Corsaire wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:44 pm
Yes, some people are certainly gullible. I wonder what sort of film he thought you were going to be in :shock: :lol:
Hi Sally,

Probably one of the typical risque Danish offerings of the time, involving suggestive human interaction and loads of innuendo.

Danish subtitles are given, if you need them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8R0ZwYvXpg

Victor Borge, the original master of Danish "Prawn".

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Corsaire » Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:01 pm

Victor Borge is brilliant - I don't know of anyone quite like him today !

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Sat Aug 11, 2018 1:04 am

Hidden paperwork !!!!!

On my last shift before I retired, I was asked to get rid of all my outstanding paperwork. At about 02.00 hrs, I was discovered shredding my paperwork in the DAU (divisional admin unit). This was not quite what the guy who told me to get rid of it meant, but it was the inference I chose to take.

The 47 outstanding complaints against me were shelved on the day I finished, which was a pity in some ways. I had grown to like the complaints & discipline guys over the years, having met with them many times. Being interviewed under caution is not nearly as bad as some people think, and being suspended on full pay can be a blast. Being exonerated and found to be squeaky clean is a great feeling, especially after a couple of months paid holiday.

The complaints, incidentally, were usually made by people who had kicked off and then taken the second prize. It is fortunate that the majority of crooks are so thick and inadequate, otherwise someone may take their stupid and malicious complaints seriously.

Yipee for thick crooks.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:42 am

Statistics in Scotland showed that a significant number of complaints against the police were instigated by defence lawyers in the hope that the Procurator Fiscal would drop the case against their client, or as a plea bargaining tool. Even if such complaints were upheld, it was pretty rare for the officer involved to be convicted of any criminal allegation, but it did happen on occasion. The usual allegation was assault, and if convicted the officer would typically be posted to an area well away from where the incident happened. Serious complaints obviously resulted in sacking on conviction. All I can say to the do-gooders is try rolling around the streets for 30 years trying to arrest people half your age without "hurting" any of them. If they assaulted us the charge of assaulting a police officer would usually be dropped in a plea bargain, providing the accused pled guilty to the principal charge on the sheet.

Here is another example of how an officer was dismissed, when a normal member of the public would have got off with a warning from the Sheriff.

A constable and a sergeant had been at court, and at the conclusion of the trial had gone to a local pub and had a few beers. They then decided to go to the sergeant's house for more drink and the sergeant drove. He lived in a remote area and unfortunately put his car through a hedge about a mile from his home address. Both men left the scene sharpish and weren't found until the next day when they were sober.

The sergeant, who already had 10 points on his licence due to other driving convictions, was subsequently charged with failing to report an accident, and a trial date was arranged. At the trial the constable was asked to give an account of the journey between the court and the sergeant's house and he said he had been too drunk to remember any aspect of it at all. The Procurator Fiscal quite correctly accused him of lying and began the usual "I put it to you" type of question. The constable got fed up with this and shouted "I put it to you that I was there and you weren't!"

At that juncture the Sheriff, having previously warned the constable that he was in contempt of court by refusing to give clear answers to the Fiscal, ordered that he be taken into custody and charged.

The constable was quite rightly sacked, and the sergeant was cleared due to insufficient evidence (there was no case without the evidence of the constable). I had seen precisely the same situation on various occasions where one criminal had lied to protect another, but no action was taken by the Fiscal or the Sheriff. A clear case that police officers give up their right to impartial treatment in the real world.

The sergeant was subsequently promoted to Inspector, and the sacked constable began another career in life insurance.

The tragic thing about the whole incident was I had worked 4 hours unpaid to allow the sacked constable to play football, and he had owed me 4 hours time back, which I now couldn't recoup!

Sometimes life can be very cruel!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Sun Aug 12, 2018 12:20 am

Hi John,

Yeah, it's now a fact that Police Officers are on trial just for doing their job. It was getting like that a few years before I retired, but I think it has gotten much worse since.

My Mate, Teddy, had a real propensity for sleeping with married women in the sub-division. He had been caught and disciplined many times after angry husbands complained, and was usually posted to another sub-division following his little trysts.

Teddy got caught with his pants down again, and was ordered to report to the Ch Supt's office. As you know, an officer can have a friend with him at times such as these, and Teddy gave me the honour of assisting him.

The Ch Supt berated Teddy for some considerable time, after which he told him that he was being posted to another division. Teddy had been posted to every division in the force area, and had always managed to blot his copy book within a matter of weeks. We mentioned this fact to the Ch Supt, telling him that Teddy would very soon be posted back again. The posting order was rescinded.

I worked with Teddy for quite a long time, and can honestly say that he was one of the most courageous men I have ever known. He died around fifteen years ago, and I confess that I was upset by the news of his death.

Teddy was married four times, and had a great many dalliances with other women. I guess he just burned himself out.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Sun Aug 12, 2018 3:19 pm

Hi Stephen,

The job was full of Teddys as I remember it, and the guy who was sacked for contempt was one of them. I well remember standing with him on a street corner when a wee irate guy came up to us and told us he was going to "get" the cop who was sleeping with his wife. The cop concerned was the one standing beside me and the two men nearly ended up fighting in the street when they each worked out who the other was.

Best thing was another few cops (not me) were also "friendly" with the guy's wife, so he would have been outnumbered.

Every other week we heard of guys reduced to sleeping in their cars, and one guy who worked out of Corstorphine police office in Edinburgh ended up living there unofficially, in the cleaner's cupboard. I think he managed about 3 months before he was rumbled, when mail from his lawyer started to be delivered to the office for him.

On the subject of "late for work" stories I once missed a liberty boat from Floriana in Malta to HMS Hermes, which was anchored off the Grand Harbour. I paid dearly for that one, and lost over a week's pay and leave as a result. I was 5 hours and 10 minutes late, but if I could have swum out to the ship then I might have saved a day or two's pay and leave. I was working my 18 months notice by then, which were the longest in my life. Every time we docked in Portsmouth or Plymouth I was on stores replenishment punishment carrying sides of beef and pork from lorries on the quayside into the ships' freezers. In true non discriminatory Navy style "Taff" and "Jock" got that onerous task for being "big lads", whilst the other men under punishment got away with carrying things like bags of spuds, onions, and rice. Still, there were only 2,400 men on board so it never really took long.

In the Arctic I was "selected" to work on the flight deck in temperatures lower than -30c, as my qualification to maintain helicopters had expired and there was no point in re- training a man who was "going outside". My job was to supply ship's electrical power to the helicopters, refuel them, lash and unlash them to the deck, and fold the rotor blades and tail cones so they would fit on the lifts down to the hangar. My crime was to tell the powers that be that I'd had enough.

About the time of the Falklands Conflict I received a nice letter from The Admiralty asking whether I would consider rejoining, as my "trade" took over 6 months to learn and they needed experienced people as a matter of urgency. By that time I was still carrying sides of beef off the streets of Edinburgh and throwing them in "the cooler", which was the nickname given to the basement cells in Edinburgh's Central Charge Office. They were used to harbour problematic prisoners until they had calmed down in the freezing cold.

I carefully considered this new opportunity of a lifetime, but decided the pay and conditions were better as a "civvy" and it was only a short walk from the car to the house freezer, all on the level, if the wife decided to place me under punishment.

Years later I actually worked with a cop who had served in the Navy during the Falklands conflict. If what he says was true each single man had £600 deducted from his pay to help pay for the recent war effort. I reckon if I had rejoined, a good few sides of beef would have accidentally ended up feeding the fishes, if they'd taken any money off me. It wasn't financially viable in any case as my Navy pay wouldn't have paid for the window cleaner let alone my mortgage.

I've lived a happy life really. It's just that I've made one or two dreadful career choices. Fortunately they only lasted 49 years!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:45 pm

Hi John,

The Army, as we have already established, is a bit different to the Navy. When I left my mates behind, the wrench was almost unbearable. We had our bad times, of course, but we stuck together through thick and thin. I am still in touch with lads I served with 53 years ago, though they are all now grey, bald and fat.

Though the Police Service gave me somewhere to hang my medal ribbons, it was never quite the same as the Army. In fact, the guys I got along best with were military veterans, something that my force always encouraged in its recruiting policy.

Teddy was ex-RMP, and had served in some of the same theatres as myself. I never knew him before I joined the Police Service, though we had often been in the same places at about the same time.

There were other officers who took liberties with married ladies, but there was only one Teddy.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:41 am

Stephen,

Problem was I joined too late (at 20) for the brainwashing to work. I had a job lined up with BP Tankers as a marine engineering cadet, but after the interview and provisional acceptance they discovered I was too old by a few weeks to commence training. For some reason or another the upper age limit was 18, and by the time there was a vacancy I would have had my 19th birthday.

I had actually applied when I was 16, but the training was in Liverpool and carried out under English law, and my father refused to sign the necessary parental consent to allow me to attend the residential nautical school. He reckoned I'd end up as a hopeless alcoholic merchant seaman, like others he had known (or worse). Despite my pleas that in Scotland kids over 16 never needed parental consent, they wouldn't have it and told me to re-apply when I was 18. That's what I did and the process went the full road, until the numpty who arranged it all realised he'd cocked it up.

The knee jerk reaction was to seek alternative maritime employment to get away from Paradise Island (North Lanarkshire). I had another row with my father when I asked him to see if he could get me a job on the trawlers out of Arbroath with one of his cousins. He told me I'd be better just jumping into the sea with lead boots on, as they had lost a few family members over the years. I decided to apply for the Royal Navy, and ended up mainly shore based as a naval air mechanic. Definitely not what the doctor ordered, but they told me I was "too clever" for what they deemed a "General Service" job. However, after I joined it never took me very long to work out that the Fleet Air Arm were obviously short of men who could carry sides of beef up and down a series of ships' ladders.

When I left "The Mob" with two other disgruntled types, I learned that they were both off to a recruitment centre in London and had signed up for the French Foreign Legion. Maybe I should have gone with them, and learned to play French accordion properly. Mind you I do believe that sand has a habit of damaging accordion reeds, and so has the gallons of Kronenbourg beer that is quaffed by the Legionnaires.

A Legionnaire Sergeant of 10 years service used to live in West Lothian and on his trips home he would try and earn a bounty by recruiting some of the local youths, to save them rolling around the streets with us on Friday and Saturday nights. He managed to recruit two or three "heroes", and one of them came back home on leave. He got absolutely hammered in a local pub and threatened to kill anybody who came near him, screaming at everybody in French.

He was standing on a table with a beer bottle in his hand, and as luck would have it a member of staff in the pub accidentally doused the lights as we entered the pub. I tipped the table up in the air, whereby the young Legionnaire fell backwards onto the floor, and knocked himself out when his head hit a stool on the way down. France 0, Scotland 1. He wasn't exactly an "etranger" to our cells and spent most of the weekend threatening to blow the place up. 90 days in jail meant he probably went short of quite a lot of Kronenbourg for a while.

Working on a BP tanker would have been preferable to fighting with French Legionnaires, IMHO, but as my father reckoned, the bar tabs may have been huge!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Tue Aug 14, 2018 12:30 am

Hi John,

You obviously know about my voluntary work for Armed Forces Veterans, as we have discussed it many times. I can't remember if I ever mentioned Brad, who served with 13 Demi Battalion of the Foreign Legion.

Brad lost a number of comrades in Iraq & Afghanistan, and was seriously wounded himself by shrapnel. I helped Brad to deal with his demons, though he still retains vivid memories of those awful events. He keeps in touch with me, especially when he has the blues.

Another lad I helped was in the Legion's 2nd REP (Airborne) and also served in those theatres of war. He was a different kettle of fish altogether, as he really didn't need all that much help.

They were both good lads.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 9:20 am

Stephen,

I think I remember you speaking about them both. The Legion was a big draw for quite a while, especially with young German kids, who I believe formed the bulk of the Corps at one time.

Davy, the Legionnaire Sergeant from West Lothian, was ex British Army and joined the Legion when he was in his late 20s. On one occasion he was trying to help a kid who had several arrest warrants outstanding, and the kid would have got away with it if he could have held his drink the same as his would be mentor. Unfortunately he got drunk and began bragging he was off to the Legion to avoid going to jail. Somebody in the pub phoned to say he was at large and a female officer and myself were sent to arrest him on the outstanding warrants.

When we arrived at the pub door a group of his mates started jostling and pushing me, but my colleague, Sally, managed to push through the throng. Next thing the "fugitive" emerged out of the crowd and made a run for it. However, he wasn't the most popular guy in the town, and a 20 stone adversary came out of the chip shop, took stock of the situation, tripped him up and sat on him until Sally and I managed to arrest him. That was French Foreign Legion 0 Police Scotland 2, and I don't think I ever dealt with any more Legionnaires, active or potential. I do believe the guy eventually joined the Legion, but he never lasted long.

I suppose young guys must adopt the "It'll never happen to me" attitude when they consent to wearing military uniform. Fact is any type of conflict will incur casualties, even if they are of a psychological nature. My stepson is one of those, having been traumatised by what he experienced in Kosovo, Afghanistan, and elsewhere. He philosophises that at least if he had a limb missing people might understand he has a problem. However, he hasn't and has to suffer his demons with no visible physical symptoms. Crazy thing is he was due out of the Army on 17th of this month on his 40th birthday after 23 years service, and he's just signed on for an extra 2 years! He's currently serving overseas again, but I can't say where, otherwise I'd have to kill the forum!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Corsaire » Tue Aug 14, 2018 1:23 pm

It's fortunate that PTSD is recognised today medically, but not necessarily by the public nor indeed the "system" which is less able to cope with the mind/brain than a physical disability. And people often don't realise that you can't just metaphorically take a pill and all will be well - it can take years to come to terms with the past, and some never can.
I admire you, Stephen, for helping these people. Sometimes you have to have have lived through these situations to be credible to the injured and service people relate to service people in a way that I have not seen in civilian life.

Being a witness to a terrible incident can have its consequences. There was a traffic officer on our group aged about 40, a religious man, very kind and very entertaining, and someone I really appreciated working with. Sadly he had to deal with two similar traffic incidents about 6 months so apart, where the car was on fire with the occupants trapped inside. There was nothing he could do but it had, as you can imagine, a devastating effect on him. He had barely come to terms with the first incident and the second was to much for him. He was a big loss to the force.

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 7:00 pm

Sally,

Too many people just view the whole show as cops and robbers, and unfortunately all the big TV shows perpetuate that notion. Routine police work is too boring for prime viewing.

I can honestly say that, despite having attended thousands of road accidents in my time, only a handful of them involved fatalities. One year my colleague and I attended 266 road traffic accidents on the east side of Edinburgh, and there wasn't a single fatality involved. Mind you, all fatal crashes were dealt with by Traffic officers in our force. We had three or four guys with varying degrees of mental illness they incurred after they had attended a disproportionate number of fatalities on the notorious A1 road in Berwickshire.

The job was like that. Broxburn and South Queensferry were the two busiest police stations in Scotland by ratio of incident to officer, and I served 8 years between both of them.

One year by the month of April I had dealt with 33 non road accident related sudden deaths, yet nobody else had reached double figures. I ended up with 3 on the same day, although two of those had "gassed" themselves in the same car. Another 3 had involved the dreaded "cot death" and nobody could ever prepare themselves for those. On one occasion the parent was charged with the Scottish crime of "Overlaying" (drunk parent sleeping in same bed as infant and accidentally smothering it). Another one involved a father putting his 4 month old baby outside in its pram so he could get a sleep. He got the sleep he desperately needed, but the child died of hypothermia. Add a few hangings, a farmer blowing his head off with a shotgun, and other "routine" offerings that were all in a day's work. Fortunately, most of the deaths involved people dying peacefully at home, but we still had to get involved if the doctor hadn't seen them within the last 7 days, and was therefore unable to do a "view and grant" death certificate. One of the 33 was a 57 year old obese man out jogging whilst "wearing" black bin liners to force him to sweat profusely. Another one was a youth who kicked in a shop window and was "guillotined" by part of the window glass. Another was a drunk woman who tripped over her tights and banged her head off the toilet bowl. Takes all sorts I suppose.

My colleagues were very sympathetic towards me, and one Monday morning I went to my locker to discover a cut out of the "Grim Reaper" on the door. That was all the "counselling" I needed, and was just as well, as I think I attended what would have been number 34 that day, but my colleague ended up dealing with it. A poor old guy who hadn't been seen for a week. After we had kicked in the wrong door (yes we did. It was his neighbour's!) we found him sitting in the chair with the TV still on. His alcoholic friend appeared and complained he had asked the old guy for money which was refused him. He wailed that the deceased must have had money after all, as his TV was coin operated and hadn't gone off yet!

In case anybody's wondering, that is what real police work is all about. Fighting crime is for the guys in the cheap suits!

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Corsaire » Tue Aug 14, 2018 8:19 pm

A sudden death at night meant we had to take the body to the mortuary and 'deal' with it - the mortuary attendant went off duty at 18h. I never minded not seeing him as he relished showing me his latest specimen in a jar .... Same with the funeral folk - there was only ever one on duty so one of use had to cart the body down stairs (most people dying in their sleep drop off somewhere between their bed and the loo). I cannot stand the smell of formaldehyde.

The only murder I had any involvement with was a woman, divorced for 20 years, whose ex husband came down from Scotland and stabbed her with a bayonet in the street. I took a statement from an eye witness and as I was taking it, I realised she hadn't any idea of what she'd actually seen though her description of the actions was excellent. Needless to say, I didn't enlighten her. The poor woman took a long time to die and apparently the medics had made such a mess of her insides it was impossible to do an accurate PM.

We had a fair amount to do with animal activists/animal rights folk in our area. There was a small refuge nearby and I knew the person who ran it. We'd had some complaints over a few weeks that a dog was being badly treated. The RSPCA wouldn't do anything, so having confirmed that the dog was in a bad way, I tipped the wink at the refuge. imagine my surprise when I went into the office one day and one of my oppos said "You know that dog at such and such a place, well, it's disappeared". I never said a word ... The refuge was a great place for taking unwanted animals that were dumped on our doorstep.

We confiscated a load of huge cannabis plants that had been growing in an attic. They were put in the filing room to be photographed by SOCO and we were then told to let them die off. A couple of weeks later, the boss asked why the plants still seemed to be in excellent health. I gather I wasn't the only one watering them .... it was a good place to go when things were difficult - take a deep breath, no side effects but you felt better afterwards !

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Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by maugein96 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:02 pm

Sally,

I once had to uplift the same tiny piece of cannabis resin no less than 5 times from the force productions department to produce at a trial. On the 5th occasion the Fiscal dropped the charge of possession due to a legal technicality, and after that any cannabis resin I found on an arrested person was thrown away into the nearest suitable place.

At an annual appraisal by a Chief Inspector I was asked why I had never submitted any drugs reports during the preceding year. I explained that in the course of many years in the job I'd known more people die from alcoholism than cannabis addiction, yet we never kicked their doors down and seized their cans of super strength lager or cider.

He started to lecture me on crime figures and the desire to keep accurate accounts of all we did. At that point I stood up and walked out the door. He followed me and began another rant about doing things by the "book". I advised him if that was the case this was 1994, and why had my "annual" appraisals for 1992 and 1993 not been carried out? He produced paperwork signed by him to say that they had in fact been done. My reply was that old phrase which insinuated that he should go and join the "Mile High Club". Truth was I never had any annual appraisals at all until it flagged up that I wasn't taking advantage of the "find a joint and solve a crime" opportunity.

I've lost two relatives through cannabis addiction, which led to more serious drug abuse, in case anybody was wondering. The crime most countries commit is to make the stuff illegal, and if it wasn't then people wouldn't be tempted to buy other "stuff" when they went to "score".

Stephen Hawkins
Should get out more!
Should get out more!
Posts: 1304
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2016 11:59 pm
Location: Lancashire.

Re: Best "late for work" excuse

Post by Stephen Hawkins » Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:47 pm

Hi Sally,

I have attended over 400 post-mortem examinations, none of which have bothered me very much. The only one which really upset me was a three or four month old baby girl.

It was just coincidence, but my youngest daughter was born on the same day as this little girl, and that undid me a bit. Throughout the whole procedure, I couldn't help but think of my own infant girl.

Of course, as you would expect, nothing in my demeanour gave away the anguish I was feeling. I got on with the job and took whatever notes I felt were necessary for my Coroner's Report.

The times it really gets to you is when you pull over some chump for reckless driving, only to hear the words: "have you nothing better to do?" Well, actually, you do have better things to do, but you can't get on with them for irresponsible half-wits. (a fact that I have forcefully pointed out to some people)

Oh Well, it is all part of life's rich tapestry.

Kind Regards,

Stephen.

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